From Isolation to Connection: How to Heal After Growing Up with a Critical, Controlling Mother

If you grew up with a controlling mother who disapproved of your friends, and criticised your relationships... know you are not alone.

If you grew up with a controlling mother who disapproved of your friends, criticised your relationships, and tried to control your every move—please know you’re not alone. I hear this story all the time from women I work with, and it often leaves deep, lasting wounds that ripple into adulthood.

You may now find yourself wondering:
"Why is it so hard for me to trust people?"
"Why do I feel anxious when making friends or starting relationships?"
"Why does my self-esteem feel so fragile?"

The truth is, when you grow up with a critical mother, especially one who uses narcissistic parenting, gaslighting, or emotional control, it shapes the very way you relate to others.
In this blog, I’ll help you understand the root of what’s happening, share a strategy to begin healing, and explain how you can start unlearning these harmful patterns so you can finally build healthy, nurturing relationships—without fear.

Understanding the Problem: How Narcissistic Parenting Shapes Your Relationships

When a controlling mother dictates your friendships, disapproves of your boyfriends, or isolates you, she’s not just trying to "protect" you—she’s limiting your ability to make decisions, build independence, and form your own identity.

This is a common feature of narcissistic parenting—a parent who needs to control, criticise, and diminish their child’s sense of self to maintain power. You may have heard things like:

"She’s not a good influence."

"He’s not good enough for you."

"I don’t like you spending time with them."

"You’re too sensitive."

Or worse, experienced silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, or manipulation when you tried to assert your independence.

This is gaslighting. It creates confusion, self-doubt, and a deep-rooted fear of rejection and abandonment.

You might also recognise patterns of codependency now—feeling responsible for other people’s feelings, avoiding conflict at all costs, or struggling to set healthy boundaries. You may isolate yourself to avoid criticism, rejection, or heartache, because that’s what you were taught: that love is conditional and connection is dangerous.

✨ The impact? You may feel lonely, stuck, unworthy, or like you’re "too much" or "not enough." And worst of all, you may have stopped believing that good, healthy relationships are even possible for you.

Unlocking a Simple Strategy to Move Forward

The first step is awareness.
It’s not your fault that your relationships feel difficult—it’s the result of a childhood spent learning that closeness came with conditions.

Here’s a practical strategy I teach inside my Daughters of the Roses Membership, and it’s something you can start today:

📝 The Relationship Inventory Exercise
Take 10 minutes with your journal and write down:

Three relationships in your life (past or present) that left you feeling anxious, small, or like you had to "perform" to be accepted.

Write down what you were told about yourself in those relationships (e.g. "You’re too sensitive," "You’re not good enough," "You’re difficult").

Now write down how those statements made you feel about yourself.

Lastly, write one small, loving truth about yourself that counters those statements. For example: "I am sensitive—and that’s a strength."

This simple exercise begins to shift you away from the script your mother gave you and toward your own truth.

Unlearning the Need to Protect Yourself Through Isolation

Many daughters of controlling mothers believe they’re safest when they avoid connection altogether. It feels easier to stay away from people rather than risk criticism, conflict, or feeling like you’re not good enough.

But here’s what I want you to know:
Avoidance might have protected you once, but now it’s keeping you stuck.

Healing means unlearning the belief that relationships are dangerous or that you have to change who you are to be loved.

Inside Daughters of the Roses, we work on exactly this. Through group coaching, live calls, workshops, and a nurturing community of women who truly get it, we help you:

🌸 Understand where these beliefs came from
🌸 Learn how to set clear, loving boundaries without guilt
🌸 Rebuild your self-esteem and sense of worth
🌸 Connect with others without fear of rejection or criticism
🌸 Stop people-pleasing and start living authentically

Stepping Into the Person You Want to Become

Imagine a future where:

✨ You trust yourself in relationships.
✨ You no longer feel anxious or people-pleasing around friends or partners.
✨ You can say "no" without guilt and "yes" without fear.
✨ You have deep, meaningful friendships and healthy, fulfilling romantic relationships.
✨ You finally feel worthy, enough, and emotionally free.

That’s exactly what I help women create in Daughters of the Roses.
You don’t have to stay stuck.
You don’t have to carry the weight of your mother’s criticism or control any longer.
You can heal. You can bloom.

Ready to Begin?

If this resonated with you, you can take your next step today:

💌 Download my free guide: What Is A Mother Wound?
It’ll help you understand your own mother wound and how it might be holding you back.
👉 Download the free guide here

Categories: : Healing